Dont Wait for the Documentary

I watch documentaries. I enjoy them.

Hearing someone’s story can be inspiring. I’ve watched plenty that made me think about life differently.

But like you, I’ve seen some that just make me mad.

When it deals with neglect, abuse, manipulation, or someone taking advantage of another person, the fighter in me wants to throw hands.

But when a pastor abuses his power to feed his own satisfaction, now it’s personal for me.

The recent documentary involving Mica Miller and her husband, pastor JP Miller, got a lot of people talking. Mica’s death was ruled a suicide. There are also allegations surrounding their relationship that have been publicly discussed and disputed.

I wasn’t there. I don’t know everything that happened.

But I do know what I kept thinking since I watched it.

Why do we wait for the documentary?

Why do we wait until the story is over to start asking what could have been done differently?

There are three things I think all of us can do better.

Listen

We have to slow down and really listen to each other.

People say things and we don’t even hear them. Sometimes we’re already thinking about what we’re going to say back. Sometimes what they’re saying sounds so strange that we dismiss it. Sometimes we hear it, but getting involved sounds messy.

So we move on.

But true listening creates space for truth to be heard.

You don’t have to have an answer. You don’t have to fix everything.

Just listen.Because sometimes people are trying to tell us more than we realize.

Don’t wait for the documentary to listen.

Believe

This one is harder.

If someone keeps telling you the same thing over and over, at some point you have to pay attention. It might sound crazy. Their story might not come out perfectly. There may be things that don’t make sense to you. But there is probably something there that needs to be taken seriously.

At what point do we believe stories of abuse and manipulation?

How many times does someone have to say, “I’m afraid”?

How many bruises have to be seen?

How much control has to be obvious before somebody says, “Wait a minute. Something isn’t right here”?

Believing someone doesn’t mean you know every fact. It means you care enough not to brush them off.

Protect

This is the one I keep coming back to.

Where are the protectors?

Who stands up and says, “Enough”?

I’m not talking about violence. As much as the fighter in me may want to show up sometimes, that isn’t what I mean by protecting.

You can protect without throwing a punch. You can make a phone call. You can help someone get somewhere safe. You can involve the right people. You can stay close.

You can refuse to let someone become isolated.

You can ask another question when everybody else has stopped asking.

And when the person accused of causing harm is a leader, a pastor, or someone with influence, their position should never keep us from asking hard questions.

A title doesn’t get to protect the leader while the vulnerable person goes unprotected.

Don’t Wait

Here’s what gets me.

Once the documentary comes out, we all see it. We see the warning signs. We hear the words differently. We look back and say, “Somebody should have done something.”

Maybe somebody should have. Maybe somebody could have. And maybe that’s the part of these stories we should carry with us.

Not the gossip. Not picking sides on social media. Not becoming internet detectives.

Just becoming better people.

People who listen.

People who believe someone enough to take them seriously.

People who protect the vulnerable.

DON’T WAIT FOR THE DOCUMENTARY.

I didn’t want Mica’s story, or anyone’s story, to just become another documentary we watch, get angry about, talk about for a week, and then move on.

Maybe those words can remind us to do something before there’s ever a documentary to watch.

Listen.
Believe.
Protect.

Maybe if we get better at those three things, we’ll have more documentaries that inspire us...

and fewer that make me want to punch somebody.

Don’t wait for the documentary.